Don't know why~! suddenly, i fell in love with this space. 

 like the background.....soooo much.....black~!   

 

just remember one thing which makes an unspeakable impact on me , 

which is, 

when mum told me, after she read an article, that, 

in this renewed-world, the newest slogan for the newest generation is... 

 

do whatever if that could brings the happiness.

 

.........

it is a slogan, at least i believe so.

i used to think,

im different, i wont totally follow what i want,

to please myself....

however....

after re-searching my mind ,

after re-think the past,

 

i did...

i did...

i did...

 

to my family... to myself...

i could only see my own soul ....

always passing in front of my own eyes....

trying to cover the others...

 

when i cant see.....

however, i felt i could.....

results.....

a ruthless character.....

  

i miss a bigbigbigbigbigbigbigbigbig hug......

i need a hugehugehugehugehuge  cuddle......

 

mum...dad.....

im home.....

the warm home....

my home~!

i just....

just....

bloody dont have a clue~!

right now~

not any...

 

the painful stomach

just wanna fight with silence

 

black..black..black..black..black..black..black..black..black..black..black..black..

 

 

thousands of works.......

im tired~!

im sick~!

in front of the school computer....

couldnt type any words~~~

 

no one...

i understand now,

bloody no one~!

 

i will just let everything tie me up....

tightly....

till there s no more breath...

i might feel free then

truely free.......

 

no one...

i do get it now...

bloody no one....

 

 

总是再反常的状态下,才能意识到自己的存在.

人群吵杂,却反而让我心静气舒,倍感安全.

爱恋般的在喧嚣的人群里,享受着我一个人的孤独.

 

寂静如死的暗室,犹如囚牢,静得让人烦躁不安,气血上涨.

想挣扎,焦躁不安的挣扎,

只想逃离

逃离被卡住脖子似的窒息...

.

.

.

.

我喜欢带墨镜,

觉得,墨镜后面的我总是很安全.

墨镜前面的世界,总是遥不可及,

却为可以正大光明的窥视而满怀欣喜.

 

你看我的眼神,

我就知道你的想法,

可是你却永远不知道,我看着你在看我.

 

如果,

你知道

我不知道你知道我看着你在看我,

最终被骗的,

是我,

最终被无情窥视的,

也是我.

frdship is turely forever

if that is a frd who worth u to treat

 

love is pure and abstract

its hardly being logically related to anything

 

sometimes

there is love

right there

but you cannot hold it as tight as you wish

u might in love

with the character who is not commensurate with you

u might in love

with the one you cannot even be in love

when everyone else thinks you two are matching

only you know 

there aint exists any love

 

unpredictable

 

that's probably one of the reasons

why life is sometimes so attractive

but also so powerful

for us to deal with

 

time is limited

and i cherish and appreciate all the experiences i've been through

no matter happiness or madness

no matter tears, fears,  anger or regrets

as long as i finally understand who i am

and what my life is

 

as long as

at the end of my time

i could be able to disposed of

with only a smile

 

我泣问上苍,                               I sob and quaere the sky,  
泣问大海,                                  sob and quaere the sea,                            
泣问冰冷的镜子.                        sob and quaere the cold mirror...
...
想问得太多太多,                        want to ask thousands of questions,
想声嘶力竭的发泄,                     want to shout myself hoarse for abreacting,
想拭去重负,                               want to get rid of my heavy burdens ...
...
可是我做不到,                          nevertheless, i couldn't.
无论我如何撕扯我的嗓门,         no matter how hard i rip my throat,
无论我如何包头痛惜...             no matter how strengthless i hold my head and howl

...

天给我不了我答案,                     the sky couldn't give me the answer,
可望而不可及...                         cos it can be seen but reached,
海给不了我答案,                        the sea couldn't give me the answer,
深邃而无可知...                         cos it's too recondite to learn,
镜子更给不了我答案,                 yet,the mirror couldn't give me the answer,either,
虚假而无能为力...                      cos it's phoniness and helpless.

...

无奈的笑容爬上我的脸颊,           speechless,the muzzy smile climbs up on my face,
寂寞的泪水亲吻我的嘴角,           the lonely tears kisses the corner of my mouth ,
咸....                                         salty...
那是咸味...                                that's salty...

...

静闭双眸,                                  silently close my eyes,
任凭眉头无规律的缓慢蠕动,       let the rimple dance ruleless between the brows,
完全的放松...                            completely,take it easy

...

搁浅...                                      running aground...
搁浅在无际的沙滩,                    running aground on the boundless sand,
光线柔和,                                 with the warm sunshine,
看似美丽明朗,                           it seesms comfortable and gorgeous
却是吞噬我的地方,                    yet, it is the place which slaughtered me,

 

无声胜有声,                              silence,which holds better senses than any sound,
冷漠的空气袭击我心中的烈火,   the fire in my heart is attacked by the offish air,
最终将它覆盖而化为乌有.          being covered the whole up for a fully empty ending.

 

还剩下些什么?                          what has been left?
只有驱壳,                                  only the body.
行尸,                                         see through the moving body,
走肉.                                         feel through the twisting flesh,

 

抬头问天,                                  look up to the sky and ask,
俯身问海,                                  stoop down to the sea and ask,
低头问镜子                                lower my head to the mirror and ask
...
毫无响应...                               no response...
...
丢失了烈火,                               i lost my fire,
抛弃了灵魂,                               sloughed off the soul,
没有笑容没有泪水.                    no more smile no more tears

 

我所期待的平静终于来了,           this supposes to be the peace i wished,
可是我已经死了.                        but then, i was dead already.